no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
