In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
