totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
