I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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