once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
