While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
