i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I look better un-naked...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There r osticjed everywhere
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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