Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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