After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize