I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
