So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
