and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
