Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
