Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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