Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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