some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
