I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
