Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
