kristin has been a bad kristin
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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