I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You can't motorboat a personality
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
did i just pee glitter
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
