3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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