I wish life had little blips of pornography
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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