Betty ford says i'm here all night
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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