I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
