So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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