i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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