My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm at about main and main street
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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