wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
