I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We named our party play list daddy issues
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
