Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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