There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
