i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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