You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
