Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
