in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
