guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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