i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
