With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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