Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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