I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
