Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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