note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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