I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Can you bring me the toilet please
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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