and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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