I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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