I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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