Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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