The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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