I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
