you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he was CRYING into my vagina
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
