I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He has the fingertips of a God
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
