i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Mom said you looked used
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
