I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
