aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
