Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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