i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
