Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize