so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
