it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
