At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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