I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
