I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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