I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Do you still have your period?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
