You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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