I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
