i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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