I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
