so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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