I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
