I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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