I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize