You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
