drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
