would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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