Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
