i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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