If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
As shirtless as possible
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Randomize
