I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
