He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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