I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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