I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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