I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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