Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
