Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
