I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
