the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
