Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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