Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
