She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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