I just made out with a guy for $7.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
