if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize