the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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