i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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