Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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