We're facebook friends in real life
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
