Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize