what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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