Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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