in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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