I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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